Adventures in Shopping

So the other day, my boys and I were out and about running errands.  One of those errands was stopping in at Kohl's to attempt to get some rain boots for Halloween.

It was getting dangerously close to lunchtime, which is dangerously close to naptime.  The fussing was imminent.  It was there, lurking just under the surface of the seemingly calm children, waiting for the most inopportune time to rear its ugly head.  We managed to get through our shopping trip unscathed, and thanks to an emergency McDonalds drive thru all parties were calm upon getting home.

We had My Little Guy in the stroller (dude, if I can strap that kid into a stroller until he's like 5 I think I'll be doing us both a favor) and My Big Guy was out and about as he promised he would stay by me and not touch anything.  He's very good about this, so he's earned the privilege of  being able to walk in stores now.  Plus then I don't have to try to navigate the monstrosity that is the double-stroller through Kohl's.  We try to keep everyone happy, and yet keep it moving.

Have you ever been to Kohl's late morning on a weekday?  Let me tell you about it.

There are two kinds of shoppers - the SAHM's with their kids in tow, and old people.

The SAHM's are their own breed of awful.

I take pride in training my children to behave out in public, so much so that when they see some other kid having a giant public meltdown they point and him/her and tell me that he/she is "not doing a good job".  Our public meltdowns are few and far between (of course I've just jinxed myself and next time we're out it'll be a giant screamfest).  We are lucky.

Other parents, not so much.  Most of the other SAHM's are schlepping a screaming kid all over Kohl's.  Or engaging in a battle over some item that the kid wants that the mom doesn't want to buy.  Or just otherwise causing confusion and delay (anyone get that parenting reference?).

Dude.

If your kid is having a giant fit, perhaps you should, you know, leave.  I've done it.  I've thrown in the towel on an errand knowing that no one was going to be happy in that situation.  If my kid is stuck in the throws of a fuss-fit that's it, I'm outta there.  The errand can usually wait, my kid is a disaster and miserable and needs my attention more than anything in that moment so that's what I gotta do.

I get the whole "ignore the fit" concept.  Sure, it makes sense IN CONCEPT, but in reality all you're doing is dragging a screaming toddler all over Kohl's making everyone (including your kid and yourself) miserable.

Then there are the mom's who will get angry with their screaming kid.  I've seen moms scream back at their kids, threaten their kids, or even spank their kids in the middle of Kohl's.

Lady, you have clearly lost control of the situation if that's what it's come to.

Get the fuck outta there.  Call it a loss and move on.

No one will think less of you and at the end of the day it's probably the best thing for you and your kid.

Then there are the moms who decide to let their kids run wild in an attempt to avoid the meltdown situation.  Hey, you know what the people who work at Kohl's will really appreciate?  Your toddler pulling every folded shirt and pair of pants off a display AND YOU LEAVING IT ON THE FLOOR.

What the fuck people.

In what world is that ok?  My kids have ripped clothes off the rack, or knocked them off the table before.  You know what I do?  I PICK IT UP.  If you're not going to clean up after your kid don't leave the house.  It's better for everyone that way.  I worked retail, let me tell you, NO ONE is saying anything positive about you after you leave.  NO ONE.

Let's also just add a little reminder that here in America, we walk on the right.  Get your stroller/cart/ wheelchair/whatever over to the right.  You wanna peruse some items?  Fine.  PULL OVER.  Don't just abandon your stroller/cart/wheelchair/whatever in the middle of the aisle.  Would you abandon your car in the middle of the road if you saw a cool shirt on the side of the road?  No?  How about you don't do it with your stroller.

The old people tend to just be slow.  That I can deal with.  Plus they usually compliment my guys on how cute they are, which always wins me over.

I think it comes down to realizing that you (shockingly) exist in a world with other people.  Yeah, it sucks.  I hate people too, but they're out there and there's not much you can do about it.  How about you get your shit together and act like a civilized person, and try to raise your kids as civilized people when you're out there?  The world (and Kohl's) will be a better place for it.

Oh!  And Kohl's, dude, you know I love you but you gotta stop spreading the toys out throughout the store. I should not have to engage in a battle over whether or not we're getting ANOTHER Thomas toy when I'm in the women's athletic section.  Not cool Kohl's, not cool.