We went to the Children's Museum today. We all had a lot of fun, and I engaged in some lovely free-ranging of my eldest - letting him run around the area my youngest and I were playing in but not always being able to see him. He loved it. He made friends with one of the volunteers, and played, and laughed and learned. It was great.
Strangely, that's not what my "Mind your own damn business" post is about.
While my youngest (I shall call him My Little Guy, and my eldest My Big Guy - I'm so clever) and I were enjoying some time at the water table, a fellow mom came up to us and commented on how cute My Little Guy is. I thanked her, all the while thinking, "Yeah, I know." Then she had the balls to tell me, "Shouldn't he be wearing one of the waterproof vests?" C'mon now lady. First of all, it's WATER. He's not going to melt if he gets wet. Perhaps your precious little baby cannot withstand a little water on her shirt, but My Little Guy thoroughly enjoys it. Secondly, clearly I don't think he should be wearing a waterproof vest since I walked by the rack of them to get to the water table and ignored them. And finally, what business is it of yours if I decide to let MY kid get all wet while playing? How does that affect YOU? Yeah, it doesn't.
When did this happen? When did it become ok for people (and it's not even just other parents - don't get me started on the old ladies and their need for my children to be wearing hats in the winter) to openly make comments about your insignificant parenting choices? I don't come up to you and say, "Hey, your kid looks like a nerd in that waterproof vest, and it seems to be impairing his ability to play, shouldn't you take it off?" No, I mind my own damn business. Sure, I'll judge you silently in my head (be honest, this is something we ALL do all the time), but I'll keep it to myself. When did it become ok to voice those judgments to other people? More importantly, WHY is it ok to voice these judgments? Why do people feel the need to insert themselves into others' family business? And why do we let them? It's not ok. It's not ok for random person to tell me to put a hat on my kid when we walk the 15 feet from the car to the Jewel. It doesn't matter if it's a comment on a parenting style in general or something as insignificant as a waterproof vest. This is what I think is best for my kid in this situation, mind your own damn business and enjoy the damn water table.
The tricky part is how to respond to these people. Yes, I'd like to slap them and tell them to mind their own damn business but since I'd prefer to not deal with assault charges I don't. I smile politely and usually just say, "He's ok, thanks" and move on with my life. But that's messed up too - I'm thanking someone for their judgment? What's that about? Maybe if we all started responding to these kinds of people in a much less polite way (like "Mind your own damn business") it'd stop? It's something to think about, while thinking about how crazy that lady is to have her kid on a leash in the Children's Museum. A LEASH. Ugh.
We should all say mind your own damn business. It's the least we can do for society. Charles Murray says people with virtue need to start preaching what they practice. We're all too afraid to judge others. If someone sticks their nose in, tell them to suck it and don't look back.
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