So there's this:
I have some mixed thoughts on it.
Let's call the mom on the left "Fit Mom" and the on the left "Fat Mom", just for purposes of distinction. As someone who feels that the pale, flabby, white belly of Fat Mom looks eerily familiar, I am in no way trying to insult her. But let's all be honest here, that's sort of the point of the pic isn't it? "I'm kinda fat, and I'm ok with it". So Fat Mom it is.
So Fit Mom. First of all, good for you. Good for you for making your health and fitness a priority. It's important to be healthy to take care of your kids, and hell, just to feel good in general. You probably have more energy and are better able to run after those 3 adorable boys. Well done. I salute you and your flat abs. I admire you for your dedication to fitness.
I see your message of "What's your excuse?" and I get it. You're trying to be motivational and get other moms into the gym so they too can be healthy. Again, bravo for the thought. Encouraging people to be healthy is a good thing.
However. Part of me is rubbed the wrong way by your statement and feels like you're just adding fuel to the fire of the Mommy Wars. "Hey, I can have a six pack AND raise 3 boys - why can't you?" Well, there are probably a millions reasons why. If you want to focus on getting trim and lean and being super in shape that's great! Doesn't mean that it's what I need to do. That doesn't make you better than me, and it doesn't make me better than you. You made a decision that being that in shape was important to you, and you did it. Well done! I have no idea what sort of time and energy that took for you, but I'm sure it was a lot. Good job! If I, and other moms, chose not to be that dedicated to losing the baby weight, or getting a six pack or whatever, that's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You don't need to rub it in our fat bellies that you're all tan and toned, and make us feel shitty for not being able to be the same way. You go work out and be skinny and that's awesome. For you.
If you want to motivate people to get to the gym maybe attempting to shame them into it isn't the best idea... I know when I saw the pic I personally thought, "Oh hellz no. That's just not going to happen for me. I'm too old and too fat. Damn her." I didn't think, "Yes! I too can have a six pack (excuse me while I regain my composure after my fit of hysterical laughter), off to the gym I go!"
You're adding to the Mommy Wars because your secondary message is, "I"m a better mom because I can be this skinny AND raise my kids! Why can't you?"
You're adding to the Mommy Wars because your secondary message is, "I"m a better mom because I can be this skinny AND raise my kids! Why can't you?"
Now. Fat Mom. First of all, way to be confident in your body. The thought of donning a sports bra and kneeling (not even standing where I could possibly suck it in and appear slightly skinnier than I am!) for a public picture is horrifying to me. Good for you for having the confidence to do that! I really admire your confidence and hell, sense of humor about the whole thing.
But you too are firing up the Mommy Wars.
If Fit Mom wants to start shit, let her. No need to fight back.
I get where you're coming from, believe me I do. And I'm sure a lot of other moms feel the same way - that this is what their bodies are like, and they're ok with it. Being confident is always a good thing.
But! We already have so many different issues going on in the Mommy-verse. Formula vs breastmilk, helicopter vs free range, cloth diapers vs disposables, co-sleeping vs cribs... Do we really need to add fit vs fat to that too? Can't we just say, "Hey, way to be in shape!" and move on with our lives? Do we really need to start judging? We don't know what's going on in Fit Mom's life, let's give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just trying to get people to be in shape and move on.
Gotta say, I'm with Fit Mom on this one. My first reaction was that she must be selling something, but then I found out that she's not a personal trainer. After I figured that out, I buy the excuse that she is just trying to motivate others (and promote herself for attention), rather than casting aspersions on anyone's fitness level or quality of parenting. At worst, she's just bragging about herself. In either case, I don't think her photo warrants the reaction that it has gotten. If anything, the web-based reaction at large (not your blog, which was pretty fair) has shown much more ugliness than any message I could ever impute to the photo of her abs and her kids.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm not sure that she is saying anything about her quality as a mother, much less as a "better" mom than a reader--let's not be so quick to impute that into the message. nothing in there talks about parenting--her having her kids and their ages there could just as easily only be there to point out that she's recently put on the pounds and shed them (a point about the physical aspect of weight gain only, and not the parenting aspect). I think there's some projecting or insecurity going on here with a lot of people's reactions.
Even if she is intentionally trying to use shame as a motivator, rather than trying to set a good example (or has mixed motives), then I say "meh." Weight control is a huge problem in this country that is only getting worse and threatens real impacts on the healthcare system and economy at large. And it's not just moms, but all of us. I think fit mom's photo speaks to anyone who may have let their health slide, not just mothers and not just women. e.g., if a serial mother/business owner can do it, why can't I, as a dude, get into better shape?--I can't even play the baby weight card as an excuse.