Thursday, April 30, 2015

Counting Our Chickens

There's a superstition among Jews that you don't have a baby shower, or think of baby names, or set up a nursery or really do anything to prepare for a baby. It's considered bad luck for your baby. It's counting your chickens before they hatch.

Since Helena will be our third child I'm obviously not having a shower. We have most of the major baby gear from Our Guys and the few items we need to replace we can. I did buy some new girly bedding for her after we found out she was a girl, but that's really all the shopping for her I've done. That was at 14 weeks, so I figured we had plenty of time.

Then we got her heart diagnosis. And I haven't really bought her a thing since.

I couldn't bring myself to wander over to the girl section of Target or Kohl's or anywhere else. Not even when I was already in the store, buying new summer clothes for My Guys. The thought of going into the baby girl section really just freaked me out. I couldn't force myself to go there. I actively avoided it, not even daring to glance in its general direction.

She needed a new swing. Ours died with My Little Guy and we purged it a few Garbage Amnesty Days ago. It wasn't until Amazon had one on a Lightning Deal that I even thought about it. Apparently my cheapness trumps my fears and superstitions because that thing was a great deal and I did buy it. So there's that.

Somehow I came to be almost 28 weeks pregnant and all this little girl had was bedding and a swing (and her brothers'old carseat, stroller, toys, etc). I realized she'd be coming home from the hospital naked because I have bought zero new clothes for her. We have her carseat, but will they discharge her if she's properly strapped in in nothing but a diaper? Doubtful.

I was so excited that she was a girl and I could finally buy those adorable little outfits and then... I couldn't. I thought about it and realized that I wasn't buying her anything because I was afraid of counting my chickens before they hatched. I was scared to buy her stuff because what if something happens? Somehow the buying her stuff was tied to her health outcomes, or at least my fears about them. The Jewish tradition of no baby shower or baby prep suddenly made a whole lot of sense.

We met with our surgeon on Tuesday. It was a great meeting. He was very optimistic and positive and confident and we left the meeting feeling better about Helena's issues. Right now they think I can deliver at our hospital, and that the most she'll need right away is a shunt put in to help her blood flow to the right places. They think once that is in (if she even needs it), she'll be able to come home and grow and get bigger and stronger until we decide it's time to do the major corrective heart surgery around six months or so. The surgeon has done hundreds of surgeries just like the one she'll need and he said there's an over 98% success rate. He said the babies who have had this surgery can run and play and are basically normal kids. There are some minor activity restrictions on them (no competitive sports), but otherwise they're totally fine and grow and develop and live pretty much like any other kid would.

Our baby will come home. She'll need her swing, and her crib, and her bedding, and her toys and of course, clothes. I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant and tend to be induced early for my own health issues. I gotta get my shit together.

I went into the baby girl section of Target yesterday. I cried while picking out clothes. But I picked them out. She won't have to come home naked after all.


1 comment:

  1. Hugs to you! You are a strong and brave mother and woman. I can't wait to see Helena in the beautiful clothes you purchased.

    ReplyDelete